I commit myself to an active, open, mutually accountable relationship with my church family, and specifically with one or more members, including one of my congregation’s ministerial team, regarding my use of the internet.
What does that look like?
So, you have an accountability partner. That also means, you ARE an accountability partner. How does that work? What are you supposed to do, and what should you expect from your partner?
It’s not as difficult as we might like to make it. Accountability partnerships are to be active, open, mutually accountable relationships. It is a relationship of mutual trust and support, where partners can openly and safely share their struggles and their triumphs.
We are reminded at the start of every quarter to meet with our accountability partners – please remember this is just a scheduled reminder. It is not intended to be the only time you meet together. For your partnership to have benefit, you need to be in frequent contact. You and your accountability partner should talk and meet often, challenging each other not just in your internet use, but in every aspect of your walks. Don’t look at this relationship in a negative way – as though it’s designed to catch you at something. Let it be a relationship of mutual discipleship, where you encourage and challenge one another to grow closer to Christ.
Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
Hebrews 3:12-13 [NKJV]
The cares of this world press in on us every day – we need more than a Sunday injection of religion to get us through. Meet with your partner often and use that time to deliberately seek to build each other up.
And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25 [NKJV]
Often people are spending time on the internet, especially social media, because they find their face-to-face relationships unsatisfying, or struggle to build relationships in person. Exhort one another to come out into the real world, show each other what a close Christian relationship can be, so you will want more and reach out more. Be open, and most of all, be someone who can be talked to – listen.
Accountability Software
What about this accountability software – what do we do with that?
First, consider all of the above. Do not use accountability reports in place of meeting together. If you simply review each others reports every month, and say ok, you lose all the benefits of your partnership. Don’t let your partnership be only the equivalent of a Facebook friendship.
16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
James 5:16 [KJV]
Keep it simple, and open – the purpose of the software is not to spy on each other, but to be open with each other. If you already use a package for your family, each user receives a separate report. Simply email your report to your partner however often you each decide. If you don’t have a family plan, you don’t both have to cross install packages or even use the same package. Set up your filters and reports, and share it with your partner. If you don’t receive your partner’s report, just remind them. If either of you is reluctant to share their report, well, it’s time to meet and talk about it.
How do we use the reports?
15 “A single witness shall not rise up against a person regarding any wrongdoing or any sin that he commits; on the testimony of two or three witnesses a matter shall be confirmed.
Deuteronomy 19:15 [NASB]
Use them as a starting point for conversation. The report is only a single witness, and the software is not infallible. Talk to your partner about their use in general – time spent, what they’re consuming – there is more to focus on than just looking at certain material. If there is something questionable, ask and talk it out.
What if my partner has a failure?
What if there’s something in my partner’s report, or my partner confesses something to me?
“Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Matthew 18:15 [NASB]
First, rejoice! You have gained your brother! Your brother willingly confessed his fault to you – whether he told you or it was in his report. He knows what is in the report, and he willingly shared it with you. Embrace him, and share a prayer of thanks.
Ok, now what?
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-2 [NKJV]
Let’s look at you first – you who are spiritual… The actions you take and the things you say, the advice you give, will be guided by the Spirit. Take time and pray, and pray together and call on the Spirit. Tempted by what? Certainly we can succumb to the same temptation as our brother did – but what’s really in view is Pride. Do not allow yourself to be prideful that your brother has fallen and you have not. You need to focus on your brother’s need.
Now you are ready to gently and meekly restore your brother. Ask questions, get your partner to open up. What was happening that led them to fall – is there an underlying struggle weakening them? How can you support them more? Pray together, encourage your brother to pray his confession.
How could your partner help you, if it was your failure? Do that.
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2
Many people ask, am I to report my brother’s failure to the ministry?
First, seek to have a close enough relationship with your ministry to know how they would answer that question.
Second, as defined above, your brother has an accountability partnership with a member of his ministry team as well as with you. You should encourage your partner to share with his ministry partner as well, so he can have all the help available to him in his walk. If he doesn’t feel he can share with his ministry partner, offer to go with him.
But if you hope to have your partner continue to be open with you, you have to maintain his trust. He has not ignored your pleas, as the brother in Matthew 18:16; he has fallen. Bearing each other’s burdens is to carry and endure together the physical, emotional and spiritual load that is threatening to crush your brother. We are in this relationship for the long haul, and both of you will have your struggles and need to be able to lean on each other. Remember that repentance and renewal start with confession. Your brother needs to be able to free himself through confession.
If your partner continues to struggle without moving toward victory tell them you cannot carry their burden alone, and encourage them to add more helpers. If they become intractable, or begin to reject your support, then you will have to continue with Matthew 18.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.
Psalm 121:7-8 [NKJV]